Definate Awwwwe Moment ♥

Okay Friends,

So first of all let me say Dan is amazing!!! For my Birthday, he sent me the most beautiful flower arrangement I've ever seen! AND he had it delivered to me at work!!!! I had some very jealous co-workers! They all said my HUSBAND is awesome, well as of right now he is not my husband BUT he is a phenomenal boyfriend and my very best friend! But I got all giddy and excited. I know it's not for a while but he's going to propose to me sometime next year!!!! how exciting is that!?!?! I can only imagine what he will have planned for that day!!! :) I found myself tearing up as I read my little card that came in the flowers and to say the very least, I was beaming! I could not stop smiling for the life of me not that I want to stop smiling!

Not only did he send me beautiful flowers but he also encouraged me so much on Saturday and Sunday I was so nervous and he stood in the back by the entrance and smiled at me and cheered me on the whole time I sang!!!! He told me he was proud of me :) He's so amazing I just can't stop saying that! Be prepared when he does propose it's gonna be 22 page blog I'm sure! :)
He's so sweet!!!!

Things That Made ME SMILE today ♥

This one is extra sexay! wow....

The man who can make me laugh no matter what, I'm so blessed!!

1.) My Iced Venti non fat 3 pump PUMPKIN SPICE latte :) I was dying for one so I asked Kandi and she said they just got it in today!!! Needless to say I broke into my happy dance :)

2.) My picture of Dan and I (SEE ABOVE!!)

3.) BUYING SCHOOL SUPPLIES BECAUSE I'M BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!!! :)

4.) My Customer who said I am an asset to Allstate!

5.) My Bible (Captivating is amazing!)

6.)My Gen Ho egg roll!!!!! SO GOOD!

7.) My Spinach salad with red pepper and egg with 2 calorie salad dressing spray :)

8.)Bru Bru licking my toes while I write this

9.) Watching Hocus Pocus with my mom

10.) Getting to sing and knowing my daddy will be there!!!!

Sarcasm On Hold ♥ Indefinately

Hey Friends!

So the other night I posted a blog about this girl who I work with, well yesterday I brought her a White Mocha from Starbucks because I heard her talking to a friend and she told her she wanted one so bad but she couldn't afford it because she had school supplies she had to buy for her kids. Well I decided to buy one for her and bring it to her. I also decided in that moment that I have no right to say what I did in that Blog, I don't know her and I was just mean venting or not it was mean and I don't want to be like that. I thought about this long and hard and I realized that she made me feel bad and I didn't like that and rather than doing what I am now I retaliated and that's not me. So anyway I gave her the White Mocha and she was so excited and she kept thanking me over and over again and you know what I suddenly saw a hurting single mother of 2 who was striving to take care of her children before herself. I also saw a person with feelings, who was probably wondering how she was going to get her daughter the back pack she wanted and the pretty note books with the cool pens. I remember when I went to school my dad was unemployed and he dressed up as the Keebler Elf so we had what we needed he sacrificed so much for us and when he didn't have a job he was doing everything from dressing up as Santa Clause, Barney, Elmo, the Keebler Elf anything and everything. I say this because I remember in second grade I wanted a Lisa Frank back pack so bad I could not see straight every time we went into Wal-mart I begged my mom and she said your back pack from last year is just fine. Well now I see it her way but this is also about 16 years later! Anyway I remember the first day of school my dad came into my room and kissed my nose and held up that Lisa Frank back pack!! I was so excited I couldn't stop screeching and saying YOU GOT IT YOU GOT IT!!!! Moments like those are what make my Daddy my hero and such an awesome provider. Those are the things I dwell on and think about not the other stuff because my daddy was and is my hero.

I remembered that story while I was listening to her talk about her daughter to her friend and how she wants the nice stuff all the other girls have and how she just can't afford it. I decided that would be my "Morning Star Mission" for the school kids I went and got her the coolest back pack I could find it's pink with rainbow sparkly stars all over it (I almost wanted one) and the bright awesome note books and the funky pens and pencils ( I also caught in the conversation it was her first year with a locker) so I got her some fun locker stuff and a lip gloss with a magnet for your locker (WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE THOSE WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!!!!???) and a mirror and a locker shelf and magnets and book covers and a day timer and 3 ring binders and a gift card for 30$ to the Limited Too. I gave it to her mom and told her I heard her talking about her daughter and I told her to give it to her and don't mention me at all just say it's from you, because when a little girl wants something sooo bad and she gets it, it becomes so much more then just a back pack for me it was my daddy loves me so much with or without the back pack. I'm sure that is my first recollection of my dad being the provider he always has been and I will cherish that moment forever and hopefully her daughter will too ♥

ehhhaaaaa!!

SO! I went to JJC and took my COMPASS tests, I was fairly sure that I was going to end up in Introduction to Numbers or something like that but I DIDN'T!!!! I passed with a 98 out of 100!!!! I PASSED!!!! So the title of my blog would be the noise that escaped my lips when she told me I passed out of learning how to write the number 2!!!!!!! WHOOP!!!!

I'm sitting in the break room at work and I'm fairly certain the guy sitting next to me either bathed himself in Old Spice or he strangled an old man and stole his horrid cologne. He told me I smell nice (yeah it's SOAP I'll get you a bar for Christmas...) seriously how hard is it to shower? you smell like a nursing home! and I'm so not making fun of nursing home people I'm making fun of grown men who neglect to bathe... Sorry I had to get that out.

I came into work and I was told my overtime doesn't officially start until 12:30 crap! so I'm doomed to sit next to Ruprecht The Monkey Boy who hasn't stopped scratching his ass since I came into the room (hence monkey boy)

I also have a new cubical mate that sits across from me and not only does she talk like Fran Drescher but she also dressed like a prostitute that got sideswiped by porn star makeup and she calls me Bitch not as a mean thing she calls everybody Bitch she's just a true piece of work. In addition to her pictures of herself littering the walls of her cubical I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this woman on a daily basis, then she told me I
lack makeup application skills...Are you kidding me!?!? please tell you're joking because from here it looks like you got attacked by bronzer like you opened the compact and it came to life and started mauling your face but neglected to blend into your neck and your false eyelashes wow sister.... you have a whole lot of room to talk! okay I need to go now I CAN'T STAND CAPTAIN BRUT ANYMORE!!! Okay I'll talk to you all later! love ya bunches!

Letters To A Broken Soul

I guess I've just had a lot on my mind as far as my counseling too... I really don't know how I am supposed to feel anymore, I feel like I should really be moving on but a small part of me desires closure and I know I will not be getting that anytime soon. I wrote my grandpa a letter and I sent him a package. I was fairly blunt in the letter, and the hardest part was sealing it and dropping it off at the post office once I did that I couldn't get it back. I felt terribly alone while I wrote my letter, I saved a copy of it so I guess I'll post it on here mainly as healing for myself.

Dear Grandpa,

I intended to begin this letter with I hope you're doing well, but I know this is not the case, but know that I pray for you on a regular basis. I've debated a long time whether or not if I have the strength to write you a letter since the last time I actually saw you was when grandma died. I wanted to tell you what she said to me before she died, you laughed in my face and slammed the door shut. I remember that laugh it always scared me as a little girl I knew when I heard it bad things were going to happen to me and I would be sworn to secrecy. I still remember you making me "big girl promise" I would never tell a soul or you would hurt my family too. I was terrified you would hurt my brother or my mom or dad and I would lose them and be alone forever. I thought it was what a "good girl" would do.

Did you think for a second that I would grow up to be who I am today? Guess what, I told your secret and I'm not afraid for my family anymore. Now I am afraid for you because as much as I hate what you did I still love you Grandpa and I don't want you to suffer eternally as it is plain as day that you are suffering now. I said this to Grandma too, I laid next to her on her hospital bed and I held her hand and I told her I loved her and that I forgave her. She cried with me and all she could say was I'm sorry, and suddenly the pain and fear I had endured for years with you melted away. She asked for forgiveness from Jesus less than an hour before she died Grandpa. She also asked me to share that with you. I tried to when I was 17 and here I am today sharing it with you because I love you Grandpa regardless of the past and I want you to have peace. I know you know what you did, please know I hate the actions and I hated the perpetual fear and always wondering what was going to happen next but I love you, I can't not love you. Nobody deserves to be alone in this world.

God forgives the most wicked destitute sinners with out blinking an eye and I apologize because I didn't forgive you for a long time. I didn't care what was going to happen to you , now I see you and you have nothing and I'm truly sorry for you. I at least have hope and a future. You can have hope too, I wanted you to know that Grandma is in Heaven now and when your time comes I want you to be there too I put a Bible in here because I want you to know Gods love for you too I also highlighted some verses there's one Isiah 61:3 Beauty for ashes... that's what I've been given. I also put the bear in here because it's the one I gave to Grandma in the hospital she loved it she named him Here After. Now I want you to have him he brought her comfort when she needed it most. I bought the large print for you too please read it. I'm going to come visit you soon I need a little more time for that though, but I will come see you soon I promise.

I really do love you Grandpa, please know and never doubt that.

Love Always,

Heidi